And then there are the lessons she has learned the hard way: Though it may seem like a good idea, it’s best not to hire a tweaked-out homeless guy to clean up your yard. Don’t even try. Join notaro as she experiences the popular phenomenon of laser hair removal because at least one of her chins should be stubble-free; bemoans the scourge of the Open Mouth Coughers on America’s airplanes and in similarly congested areas; welcomes the newest ex-con yay, a sex offender! to her neighborhood; and watches, against her own better judgment, every Discovery Health Channel special on parasites and tapeworms that has ever aired—resulting in an overwhelming fear that a worm the size of a python will soon come a-knocking on her back door.
The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal #ad - The plain dealer says that laurie notaro is “a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. With the idiot girl and the flaming tantrum of Death, Notaro proves she’s not only funny but resigned to the fact that you can’t look bad ass in a Prius.
In notaro’s world, strangers are stranger than fiction.
Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy LifeBallantine Books #ad - After all, home wasn’t built in a day. Praise for laurie notaro “notaro is a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. The plain dealer “hilarious, and completely relatable, fabulously improper, Notaro is the queen of funny. Celia rivenbark, author of rude bitches make Me Tired“Notaro is direct and self-deprecating, and her disastrous attempts to sew a dress and make jerky treats for her dog are relatable and funny.
Library journal Ballantine Books. Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport. If laurie notaro’s books don’t inspire pants-wetting fits of laughter, clearly, because, then please consult your physician, your funny bone is broken.
Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life #ad - Jen lancaster, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, author of i regret nothing#1 New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team her husband’s not on it.
From defying nature in the quest to make her own twinkies, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame.
I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies: True Tales of a Loudmouth GirlVillard #ad - Here are more scathingly funny tales from the wild side! Laurie Notaro survived the debauched ride of her twenties and the bumpy road to matrimony. But while losing more friends to babies than to booze, she realizes there’s a plus side: at least for a couple of months she gets to be the thinner friend.
. I love everybody and other Atrocious Lies is Laurie Notaro at her deliciously quirky best. Laurie also explores the backstabbing world of preschoolers at a Halloween party, the X-rated madness of a family trip to Disneyland, and the pressure from her QVC-addicted mother and the rest of the world to reproduce.
And almost middle age has never been more hilarious. Laurie is married, sizes, mortgaged, discovering that bosses come in all shapes, and now—miraculously—employed in the corporate world, and degrees of mental stability. Now she’s ready to take on the thirtysomething years. Can a woman prone to what her loved ones might term “meltdowns” she considers them “Opportunities to Enlighten” put a smile on her face and love everybody? Take a guess.
I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies: True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl #ad - After maxing out her last good credit card at banana republic, overstuffed in way-too-small pants new mom Suzzi, six-foot-plus Gretchen “Three Thousand Faces of Eve” before battling the overbearing, she’s dressed for success and ready to face the jungle: surviving feral, who ruthlessly cancels Laurie’s newspaper column and learns that payback can be a bitch.
The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy LifeVillard #ad - She writes about a world of hourly-wage jobs that require absolutely no skills, a mother who hands down judgments more forcefully than anyone seated on the Supreme Court, horrific high school reunions, and hangovers that leave her surprised that she woke up in the first place. Ballantine Books. New york times bestseller“i’ve changed a bit since high school.
For the past ten years, notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences. Back then i said no to using and selling drugs. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends—and that’s before she even puts on a bra.
The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life #ad - The misadventures of laurie and her fellow idiot Girls “too cool to be in the Smart Group” unfold in a world that everyone will recognize but no one has ever described so hilariously. She delivers the goods: life as we all know it. I washed on a normal basis and still had good credit. Introducing laurie notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club.
It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and InfamyVillard #ad - Ballantine Books. 1 new york times bestsellereveryone’s favorite idiot girl, is just trying to find the right fit, laurie Notaro, whether it’s in the adorable blouse that looks charming on the mannequin but leaves her in a literal bind or in her neighborhood after she’s shamefully exposed at a holiday party by delivering a low-quality rendition of “Jingle Bells.
It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy #ad - Notaro makes misstep after riotous misstep as she shares tales of marriage and family, the emails from her mother with “FWD” in the subject line “which in email code means Forecasting World Destruction”, including stories about the dog-bark translator that deciphers Notaro’s and her husband’s own “woofs” a little too accurately, and the dead-of-night shopping sprees and Devil Dog–devouring monkeyshines of a creature known as “Ambien Laurie.
At every turn, notaro’s pluck and irresistible candor set the New York Times bestselling author on a journey that’s laugh-out-loud funny and utterly unforgettable.
We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl AliveVillard #ad - And for laurie, it’s all true. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her–inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. Her riffs on e-mail spam “with all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end”, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, eBay “There should be an eBay wading pool, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!”, and the perils of St.
Patrick’s day “when i’m driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens” are the stuff of legend. And the results are breathtaking. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe “I’m going to kick his hair’s ass!” to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie’s wrath.
We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive #ad - Ballantine Books. She thought she’d have more time. Laurie notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. She has officially lost her marbles. But no–it’s happened.
There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big TroubleVillard #ad - After a series of false starts nearly gets her exiled from town, Maye decides that her last chance to connect with her new neighbors is to enter the annual Sewer Pipe Queen Pageant, a kooky but dead-serious local tradition open to contestants of all ages and genders. The first novel from the new york times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is a rollicking tale of small-town peculiarity, dark secrets, and one extraordinary beauty pageant.
When her husband is offered a post at a small university, Maye is only too happy to pack up and leave the relentless Phoenix heat for the lush green quietude of Spaulding, Washington. And when you’re a childless thirtysomething freelance writer who works at home, making new friends can be quite a challenge.
There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble #ad - Laurie notaro may be the funniest writer in this solar system. The miami Herald Ballantine Books. Aided by a deranged former pageant queen with one eyebrow, Maye doesn’t just make a splash, she uncovers a sinister mystery that has haunted the town for decades. While she loves the odd little town, there is one thing she didn’t anticipate: just how heartbreaking it would be leaving her friends behind.
An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty ListVillard #ad - She’ll be the one dialing the cops. Ballantine Books. It’s laurie notaro’s holiday handbook. Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime. Prepare to laugh your tinsel off. It’s the most wonderful–and most dreadful–season of the year, when boxes of truffles attack your thighs, drunken holiday revelers stay long past their welcome, and your grandmother has conniptions at the department store over the price of hand lotion.
An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List #ad - So whether you find yourself at the dull and smart Party or the Raucous and Stupid Party this holiday season, you’ll always know where to find Laurie–just follow the chocolate trail over to the cheese platter. In ten brand-new stories and three previously published favorites, notaro shares the sidesplitting daily disasters of the holidays, otherwise known as the do-it-yourself craft store; and trying to live down her reputation as the Most Unfun Christmas Party Guest Ever, like finding herself on emergency feminine product recon at midnight on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable Horrible Gift Parade by simply asking for holiday dish towels and giant white underpants from Sears; battling the morons in line at the Seventh Circle of Hell, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a fake overdose and emergency paramedics.
Enter Pirates: Vintage Legends 1991-1999CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform #ad - Enter Pirates: Vintage Legends 1991-1999 #ad - Humorous essays by New York Times bestseller Laurie Notaro Ballantine Books.
Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend AdulthoodVillard #ad - Ballantine Books. In autobiography of a fat Bride, Laurie contemplates family, home improvement, and the horrible tyrannies of cosmetic saleswomen. The author of the new york times bestseller The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club tackles her biggest challenge yet: grown-up life. In autobiography of a fat bride, laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air-conditioning.
Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood #ad - Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. She finds that life doesn't necessarily get any easier as you get older. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony. From her mother's grade-school warning to avoid kids in tie-dyed shirts because their hippie parents spent their food money on drugs and art supplies; to her night-before-the-wedding panic over whether her religion is the one where you step on the glass; to her unfortunate overpreparation for the mandatory drug-screening urine test at work; to her audition as a Playboy centerfold as research for a newspaper story, Autobiography of a Fat Bride has the same zits-and-all candor and outrageous humor that made Idiot Girls an instant cult phenomenon.
But it does get funnier.